Buck Songfic:
Gimme Three Steps
By Monica

ATF Universe


Buck sighed as he leaned against the back wall of the elevator, glad for once that he was all alone as he rode the car back up to the office.  He thought long lunches were supposed to be relaxing; especially when having a beautiful woman join him.  He ran a hand through his thick, wavy hair then shook his head.  It had not bothered him that his lunch date was married, but it sure had bothered her husband.  Well at least none of his teammates had been present for the ensuing fiasco.  He would never hear the end of it if they even caught wind of it.

Pushing himself away from the wall with perfect timing to the dinging of the elevator on his floor and striding out just as the doors eased open, Buck prepared himself for dealing with his teammates.  Just as he had been about to enter the building he had received a call from Chris telling him that he was calling an impromptu meeting and that Buck had better get his ass back to the office pronto. As he stepped into the bullpen Buck noticed that the others must already be in the conference room, so he quickly changed direction and quick timed it over there. Chris had sounded awfully pissed off on the phone and the way Buck's day was going, he did not want any more complications.

All six of his teammates turned to look at him as he pushed the door open. He flashed them his best, "ah what're ya gonna do" smile as he started toward the nearest vacant chair.  He froze as the room was suddenly engulfed in the unmistakable strains of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Gimme Three Steps".  The smile slipped off his face as the others erupted into laughter. Buck winced and considered walking out the door but Chris now stood there, a devilish grin covering his face from ear to ear.  Without a doubt they all knew.

I was cuttin' the rug down at a place called the Jug
With a girl named Linda Lou
When in walked a man with a gun in his hand
And he was looking for you-know-who.
He said hey there fella with the hair colored yellow,
What you tryin' to prove?
Cause that's my woman there and I'm a man who cares,
And this might be all for you.
I said, Excuse me!
Well I was scared and fearin' for my life
I was shakin' like a leaf on a tree,
Cause he was lean and mean and big and bad, Lord,
And pointin' that gun at me.
I said, now wait a minute mister, I didn't even kiss her,
Don't want no trouble with you.
And I know you don't owe me, but I wish you would let me
Ask one favor from you.
Well, won't you gimme three steps, gimme three steps mister,
Gimme three steps toward the door?
Gimme three steps, gimme three steps mister,
And you'll never see me no more!
For sure!
Well the crowd cleared away, and I began to pray,
And the water fell on the floor.
And I'm tellin' you son, it ain't no fun
Lookin' straight down a .44.
Well he turned and screamed at Linda Lou,
And that's the break I was lookin' for.
And you could hear me screaming a mile away
As I was headed out toward the door,
Hey, won't you gimme three steps, gimme three steps mister,
Gimme three steps toward the door.
Gimme three steps, gimme three steps mister,
and you'll never see me no more.
Show me the back door!

The song ended, but there was just a short interval of silence before it looped around to start up once again.  The others continued to laugh and snicker at Buck as J.D. had the kindness to at least turn the volume down.

"It ain't funny!" Buck started his defense.  "I coulda been shot." He figured sympathy might be his only hope.

Unfortunately the man most likely to administer it was the first one to knock it down. "Well, Buck, you go prowling in another man's territory, you just might get shot for trespassing," Nathan said attempting to stifle his laughter.

"Now, I wasn't in another man's territory." he started, his outrage beginning to bubble over.

"Least not yet," Chris stated with a tilt to his head, a smile slowly drawing up one side of his lips into a smirk.

Buck's eyes flared hotly but all he could do was repeatedly point his finger at Chris as he struggled to find words, any words that would remove him from the situation.  The others roared with laughter at watching the king of innuendo getting a healthy dose of his own medicine.

"Oh sure, laugh it up," Buck finally managed, "I coulda gotten my head blown off!" He immediately knew that was a poor choice of words when the five men seated at the conference table let loose with howls of laughter.  Even Chris gave a sort of chortle from the doorway.  Ignoring the others, Buck glared at him. "Who the hell told you anyway?"

Chris shook his head as he stepped over to Buck and wrapped a brotherly arm around his shoulders. "Now, Buck, you know I see all and know all."

Vin stopped laughing long enough to add, "And what he don't see or know, Inez tells him."

Buck slapped his palm to his forehead as he exclaimed, "Inez!"

Chris tsked, tsked. "You should know better than to have your dangerous liaisons over at the Saloon, Stud."

Buck finally surrendered to the teasing as he knew he would not be able to escape it. He comforted himself with the knowledge that he would have payback on all of them. "Would it help my case, if I told you that I honestly didn't know that she was married?" he asked as he slid into a chair.

"No," Josiah said, "'cause we know even if you did know, it wouldn't of mattered to you."

Buck sighed expansively. "Well could you at least turn off that damn song?"

"Aww, come on, Buck," J.D. laughed. "It's growing on me."

The tall agent rolled his eyes as he mumbled, "Oh great, now I can look forward to hearing this along with that other trash you call music."  For once he ignored the wounded look on J.D.'s face as his anger kindled anew. "And knowing that this ain't your kind of music, means that it had to be one of these other jokers who came up with it." He looked at the other five intently. "So which one of you was it?"

He immediately ruled out Chris.  Their friendship went too far back for him to have missed a Lynyrd Skynyrd fetish somewhere. Next he ruled out Nathan as the man lived only for the blues. Josiah was not likely as he preferred 60's rock and roll to Southern rock. That thought led Buck to his two prime suspects, Ezra and Vin.  He snapped his head around, hoping to startle one of them into betraying himself.  Instead he found himself staring at twin sets of innocent looks with matching mischievous glints in their eyes. Well, the two of them were often cohorts in crime, so he did not see why this time would be any different. But Vin could see that Buck was looking for someone to blame, so he shook his head and said, "It wasn't me, pard."

Buck looked at Ezra in surprise as he could not see the suave Southerner knowing who Lynyrd Skynyrd was, much less name a song from them. But then, there was still so much that they did not know about Ezra. "You?" he croaked out. "Don't tell me you listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd."

Ezra grinned, dimples flashing, as he leaned smugly back into his chair. Then like quicksilver the light dimmed in his eyes as he blinked slowly at Buck. "Why, Cletus, ain't you got no learnings?" Gone was his gentlemanly drawl, replaced with hillbilly hick. "Lynyrd Skynyrd ain't a band, it's a god! Hell, boy! Freebird rules!" The last was shouted as he pumped his fist up near his chin and tossed a wink over to a slack jawed J.D.

The shocked silence of six Federal agents reigned even over Ezra's laughter as they tried to comprehend what had just happened there. They knew they were staring at an immaculately dressed man in an Armani suit, but the image his voice had conjured was that of a man loosely garbed in a beer stained t-shirt and cut-off jeans. But then they supposed that was why Ezra was the best damn undercover agent the agency had ever seen. The truth could be standing there in front of you, knocking you upside the head even. But Ezra could so easily sell you the lie that you would let him keep the change and give him a huge tip to boot.  As their shock subsided they joined him in laughter.

Finally Chris asked, "So you alright there, Stud?"

"Yeah, I'm all right," Buck sighed. "I tell you, it's one thing to have a gun trained on you during a bust and a whole other ball of wax when it interrupts your lunch."

Chris nodded, sympathy and understanding briefly making their way into his green eyes. "I think you handled it pretty good. No one got hurt."

J.D. laughed, not liking the serious turn things were taking as it would make him think too hard on how dangerous the situation had been for Buck. The young man hated dwelling on the fact that he could have lost his roommate in that way. He did not want anything to ever happen to Buck. "Yeah, Inez, told us all about it!"

Nathan and Josiah stood and patted Buck on the shoulders as they walked past him and out of the conference room.  Chris shook his head one last time at his old friend before he followed them out.  Buck smiled as he finally heard what J.D. had said. "Well now, kid, you just tell me exactly what Inez said about me."

"Buck, you almost got shot by some woman's husband and now you're ready to go after Inez?" Vin asked in surprise. "Hell, Inez'll shoot you herself!"

Buck grinned, "Nah, she'd never do that.  Now that I think about it, she did seem awfully concerned about ol' Buck."

"Concerned that you were gonna bleed all over her Saloon, more like it," J.D. threw in as he stood to follow Ezra and Vin, who were exiting the conference room even as they suppressed their chuckles.

Buck shook his head as he called after them, "There you go. Underestimating the Bucklin charm.  Now tell me, exactly what she said," he demanded as he scrambled to his feet. He paused for a moment, listening to the song. Yep, that's all I need, he thought, just a couple of steps to stay ahead of the game.